Be it when you didn't like your friend shouting in a public place, or when you got angry over people not caring about you, we all have expectations of some "desirable qualities" in others and most importantly our dear friends. Although seeming to be a usual expectation, this habit can sabotage our relationships which cannot bear the burden of these expecations.
"He/she should be more decent", "he/she should not be so quiet","he/she should spend more time with me", "he/she should not react that loud", etc etc the list is long. From where do these expectations arises, what is stopping us to fully accept the person we like to spend time with? After all what is wrong with reacting loud?
I am going to talk the both way, Why we ourselves expect desirable qualities in others and why we give in when we are expected to have some of them The very fact that you are dependent on somebody who has loads of expectations from you indicates that you cannot accept yourself. There cannot be any other reason to it.
The biggest secret I have learnt in the life is that the key to peace is acceptance. If you are in bad situation, just accept it as it is, after all it's YOUR bad situation, It has come to teach you something, it has come with a message, "STOP", Stop what you are doing hence bad times are your prized possession! The last thing you need to do is not accept them as yours.
"The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace."
-Eckhart Tolle
Just do this experiment and see it for yourself, be it any state you are in, just accept it. Be it the saddest moment of your life, just go through it as if you intended it to happen and you will find a new joy arising in your heart, a new happiness and that happiness will be spiritual. It does not come from external situations, it comes simply when you accept your life as it is. The art of acceptance is a miracle.
The biggest hindrance to self-acceptance is the fear you won't succeed in life with as you are. Teenagers are thinking today that they have to change themselves in order to live life properly. There is a certain behavior you got to do when you are in front of parents, something else in school, something else in the job. They have planned it all already, which is the most unfortunate thing I could ever think of. I mean this is the time when we are supposed to work towards our nature, to blossom the gifts given to us by nature and all what we are thinking about is whether people would accept us. You are giving complete control to others to the level you are now leading their lives! Multiple places, multiple lives! Would not your heart be torn into pieces? What is the need to please those people? Who they are whose only work in their life is to judge you? Who they are who are always spying on you? The people in the restaurant whom you never going to meet again? The people in the mall who won't cross you ways ever again? You are afraid of them?
I have never understood people who spend too much time grooming themselves, comb hair again and again, changing clothes again and again, All this for what? Outwardly, we just see that it is the need to look good, but there is a much bigger problem residing inside. And it is non acceptance of self. If only a little energy of their make up is spent in actually living life, they will see life is much beautiful without caring about looking beautiful.
Another biggest problem is you expecting others to be as you want. This expectation again arises from the same place- fear and insecurities which now are just projecting outwards. It occurs out of conditioning. Conditioning of "how to behave" guides throughout our lives. We have confined ourselves in the conditioning so how could others reject them and be free? What a disgrace why such unfairness? Naturally a person who has killed himself won't allow others to live, he is unable to. There is nothing wrong in being what one is and only if you are living yourself you can accept others life. Their behavior is their own nature, their own life and to accept them, your own life has to blossom. Life cannot reject other life, only conditioning can.
"That’s why people are such great fault-finders. They find fault with themselves – how can they avoid finding the same faults in others? In fact, they will find them and they will magnify them, they will make them as big as possible."
-Osho
So the next time you didn't like somebody's behavior, ponder over it and try to know whether it is coming from inside, does it have any solid base?
