Tuesday 9 October 2018

Introvertedness vs shyness


Social interactions are powerful. They increase your capacity to love, overall life satisfaction and the sense of completeness in your life. They are the basis of forming relations with other people and are also the first yardstick for someone to judge whether to show interest in you. There is no limit to what you can achieve in your life with social interactions. You don't know who, when and where somebody might help you out with a situation. The more contacts you have the more jugaad you can do. Despite so many benefits, there are two types of people - introverts and shies who "shy" (pun intended) away from social interactions.


First of all, lets clear the definitions. Introvert is someone who naturally avoids social interactions in a sense that s/he does not like to stay with people (or many people) for a long time and avoids small talk in general. But shy people, on the other hand may want to interact with people but are unable to do so due to XYZ factors. Its this difference which most people are not able to separate and deal with a lot of unnecessary stress in life.

My idea when I say "social interaction" can be anything from small talks, light hearted talks, poking fun at each other, discussing about weather, stripping each other's clothes off for fun. Well, maybe you can skip the last one. But my point is social interactions are any conversation which are not much meaningful at first but can turn out to be, if given a direction. People tossing away small talks as completely "meaningless" doesn't seem to understand how it works. No random conversation at all can be instantly meaningful unless you have decided to initiate in such a way. It has to start with something petty. It is the stage you need to get across to get to the real fun but many people arguing against it often say that they choose only those who are already close to them since years or share large number of interests which is completely fine. Introverts generally find people sharing same interests and can live as fulfilled life compared to "extroverts" with far less number of people in their life. But shy people have a problem. They are unable to interact even if they want to. If you don't want, that's a different thing, If you are happy in your life alone, its fine but there are people who actually find themselves incapable to go and bloody talk with someone even when they are attracted to them or think they can have a meaningful relation with them. Now, this definitely is a problem.

My argument in the favor of actively participating in social interactions lays some fundamental foundations. First one is that it builds contacts. The more contacts you have, the more easily you get admission in a engineering college. Oops. Or may be not. But having multiple contacts in a country whose national slogan is "mere chacha vidhayak h" can quickly turn into a boon. You don't have any idea how quickly  you can have a network of well connected people if you are able to please people socially, and that's a very good thing.

Second thing is they are a very good way of emotional catharsis. Do one thing, make a friend or two of yours to whom you can share every small detail of your life. Be it, if your bike got punctured yesterday, or you almost were to meet an accident, or you had to stay in a long line at ATM today or any stuff like that. If your friend is close to you, he/she will listen patiently (atleast for some days) and you will notice your self as being literally more happy. It is the best way to release small frustrations of life which we consider as very petty and swallow which although might not be the best thing to do because they gradually build toxicity inside you.

Third thing is very obvious. It builds your communication skills. We all, at some point have to deal with clients/customers/partners in our jobs and businesses where very good communication skills can earn you a lot of respect. A technically strong person with good communication and inter personal skills is a killer combination. So just go for it!

The advantages of social interactions are an added bonus to life. They are not a neccessne thougt. You may go just fine without them but life is much better if you have it. We introverts are missing out on something really amazing probably by merely relying on our first instincts. Ofcourse I am not telling you to completely change your own nature, but given proper attention and good practice, we can train ourselves to enjoy conversations even with strangers (the worst nightmares for introverts and shy people). The arguments towards social interactions even those which does not include small talks are frowned upon in introvert communities. One more trend which is coming up these days is the glorification of introvert as someone being intellectually superior just because they like to tuck into a blanket reading a book instead of going out and meet with people. I would like to ask, how many of them are actually reading some really productive, mind expanding books?

Large number of memes which are mostly shared by teenagers on social media as being relatable to introverts are somewhat a sad phenomena. For example -

                                     Image result for introvert memes

Being anxious about hanging out with someone you want  to hang out with is NOT something to laugh at. Humor is repeatedly used to hide personal vulnerabilities to avoid directly dealing with it. Instead of actually trying to work on the problem, if you simply create a meme on it and laugh it off, you are merely delaying the problem. Well, atleast we are being honest with ourselves but lets take this a step forward, lets start working on it. Lets not be captived by the so called "introvert" image which we carry ourselves in our head and try to be as open as possible. Because, there is a wonderful world filled with wonderful people out there. Even if we literally don't like to deal with people (which is fine anyways) lets not be so hell bent on being so closed inside our selves that we forget what its like to connect with people. Afterall, having that warm feeling with someone with whom you can share anything or hang around is precious and probably worth the effort.
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