Tuesday 25 December 2018

Social Media addiction

While addiction is more of an exaggerated term, but seeing the current generation's excessive and almost obsessive use of their mobile phones, there is clearly no sign that we should use a word any less severe. Its pretty much clear, the behavior is outright compulsive. You are working on an important project which you need to complete today but every 5 minutes you keep checking your phone. You are learning a new skill and you know you need to be focused on it but your mind again takes you to your phone after some time for you to mindlessly scroll to the facebook or instagram feeds.

Why do we that? What are we gaining from it? Or are we really gaining anything?

research suggests that talking about yourself on social media fires up the same pleasure centers as of eating and sex. Think about it again, these two are the things we most likely go back to again and again, and better the experience of them, the more we want it. So, instead of feeling completely satisfied by it, we only feel a temporary amount of pleasure which gets depleted quickly and then we again need a recharge ;)

While sharing personal stuff about yourself feels good, its not the only thing we do on social media. In fact, the majority of the people actually do the opposite. They mindlessly scroll through the feed, checking in photos of others, stalking someone they like, etc. These activities also fire up pleasure centres in our brain which can be addictive or at least is a major distraction. It also plays on our evolutionary need of interpersonal information.

Come on, lets be honest. We know that we should use our phones less, We know that it is stupid to keep checking our phones for new notifications, We know that mindlessly scrolling through the FB, Insta feed is highly unproductive but still almost all the time, we can't help it. Its become a habit we can't get rid of. What, a brilliant work of technology should be an enabler to mankind for better prosperity has limited us to dungeons of our little gadget with blue screens.

Psychological damage of such an increased use of smart phones is not something we can ignore. It is decreasing our attention span. Smartphones increasingly serve us (mostly) mindless rapid pace content which can constantly be changed/switched to one another at one click without waiting for even a second.
Prolonged habit of such use has resulted in massive reduction of our ability to focus and the attention span. There have been enough research which proves exactly that. Our ability to switch from one task to another maybe increasing because of the increase in number of "distraction apps" but it increasingly harms our brain to lead a focused contempt life.

A much bigger problem is that, it can lead to increased anxiety. Simon Hayek in his talk "Millenials in the workplace" notes that in today's life, everything is easily available. You want something? You can order it online in your convenience and you have an option to get it within 2 days. You need advice? you Google. You want romance? You go to dating apps.  You need food? Why cook when you can order it online with 50% discount!

And it all happens with a click. This ability is picked up by our brain and as brainless our brains truly are, it applies the same habit to other deep meaningful areas like being truly passionate about your work and be successful at it, forming deep touching relation with someone and hence it is unable to bear the fact that all of this doesn't happen with a click. That's why you are delaying all of this. Because you cannot accept the fact that it's gonna require a hell lot of an effort. And whenever we are forced to face this, we feel anxious. We are not used to this.

Mark Fisher in his work, Capitalist Realism uses a phrase - "depressive hedonia" for habitual use of pleasure devices. While depression is normally associated with lack of ability to feel pleasure, depressive hedonia is state where one cannot feel anything apart from pleasure. One needs a quick easy rush of that small dopamine hit and feels really uncomfortable when not provided one. Always.

A lot of youngsters use it to distract from their personal problems. Recall this, how many times whenever you were thinking about some challenging situation, you checked your phone? How many times instead of thinking about your real problem, you just postponed it for the moment and scrolled your feed? Probably a plenty times and worst almost always. Another big problem is, reduced ability to interact in real life. Well, online you have your control. You can choose to text later after coming with a clever reply. You can choose not to respond. You do not have to face the other person and deal with well, emotions. You do ofcourse have a choice over what communication channel to use but real life conversations are far more meaningful, satisfying and are more likely to have pleasant memories. Think about your close friends, you remember the amazing time you spent together or do you remember the texts you shared?

Another problem - Smartphones are not letting us be completely absorbed in the moment. A study showed a shocking percentage of people checking their phones during sex. Thats a whole different meaning we are giving to the term "phone sex". The stat is gullible. We definitely, almost always check our mobile phones during important occasions and events where we are supposed to be completely absorbed in. 

Social media companies are investing heavily on research learning how to keep you (away from what you should really be doing) hooked to their apps, so that they can capture your data and attention to show you ads. They don't want you to actually go out and meet that one special friend but they want you to like photos of them instead. Do you know that studies have shown that people read only about 19 minutes a day on average and most people spend only about 17 minutes in sports or exercise each day? It is unacceptable to see people spending more time on Facebook than they do on exercise and reading for improvement.

Signs of addictive behavior are simple.. Do you check your phone immediately after you wake up? Do you use it to distract your self from your important work you don't want to do right now even if it is important? Do you check for new notifications even when there was no buzz? Do you feel anxiety when its not near you? What should be the used for better access to outside world has actually cut you off from it.

Ways to combat our addiction is first the acceptance of it. "The first step in solving a problem is to recognize there is one". Lets do one thing honestly. Lets be away from our phones for 2 full days (If it looks like daunting to you, you need to do it immediately). You will notice a big good change in your mental state which will include more calmness, more focus and better energy. Just 2 days can bring a good enough change to bring more awareness in our lives on what we are losing out. 

Now, obviously I don't intend to bash social media usage completely. But we need change. For better. And we are starting to see it. For example this restaurant started giving discounts to those who sit without their phones and spend time with their family. The opposite of such an addictive and damaging use of something so commonly available and potentially fruitful though cannot be complete shunning it down. It is, the responsible use of it. We have already seen this in gambling industry where betting sites set an upper limit to the amount you can bet on. This enables the person to enjoy his game as well not being ruined completely. We need similar business strategies for social media usage as well like there are several apps which monitor your smartphone use time. Efforts like this should be spread and rewarded.

So....Are you addicted to your phone? If so, what are you doing about it?
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Tuesday 6 November 2018

Stop treating yourself like shit.

Let me ask you a question. Say, if you are with a person who constantly ignores what you want to do. Whenever you go to him with your desires, he blows you away by telling you that you shouldn't do it, you can't do it and what not. Instead he forces you to do what he wants, in that particular moment with no regard whatsoever of what is good for you. He will tell you nothing but lies on why you shouldn't do stuff in your life you clearly know you should be doing. He constantly puts you down by always doubting your capability ultimately destroying your confidence. What will you do to such a person?
You will immediately run away, block him forever and never listen to him again, right? Yet this is what you are doing, to none other than yourself.

You know that you need to work that extra hour in office, you know you wanted to play guitar, you know you wanted to date that guy/girl, you know you should hit the gym yet you very conveniently refrain yourself from all this because you just can't pick yourself up to it. Lets talk about this internal resistance today which actually has no real value in your life, yet its there and controls most aspects of your life. What is it? and where does it come from? It comes from none other than you and arises out of laziness, low confidence, and fear.

Laziness

Laziness happens only due to achiever's mindset. Since you have always done things because you think they will give you some tangible benefit, you tend to be "lazy" about things that might not. You can see this, even the people who call themselves extremely lazy are highly active about stuff they care about, it is so because they have chosen to work for only those things which give them immense value. This is where we get wrong, everything adds value to our lives whether you know it or not. So, if we truly cared about the big picture instead of immediate return, we might as well learn to enjoy even trivial of tasks. Recognizng the true value and constantly reminding it to yourself can help you out of the bed.

Low confidence

There is nothing wrong with low confidence, it is just that we as a society have given way too much attention to confidence. Huge courses and seminars are organized so that you can display (fake) confidence even when it is not there. Confidence adds very less value in order to judge a person especially if its so easy to fake it. Also, there might as well be a case where knowledgeable person feels less confident something compared to an exuberant person. I know low confidence feels like shit but its also noteworthy that we probably too much stress about confidence. Confidence needs to be built within by getting out of comfort zone repeatedly, by actually doing what you are feeling less confident about. Try this, instead of feeling low about something you aren't sure about how to do, be curious. How do other people do it? How many ways can this be done? What are the consequences?

Fear

Watch this amazing video of Will Smith talking on fear. Go ahead, I am waiting!

So, the main point of Will is that fear lies. We all know that's damn true. Fearful thoughts are just an exaggeration of very limited information our brain has for something which we haven't even experienced yet. Here, we should not confuse fear with danger. Fear is a sophisticated mechanism in our body to cope with dangerous life and death situations. But rarely we come across such situations, isn't it? Then why are we using the same mechanism to handle petty situations in our daily lives?


Do NOT allow these barriers to come in your life. With more self awareness, it becomes easier to recognize them, accept them and then work on them. In this world, lets at least love ourselves and stop treating ourselves like shit.

Image result for stop thinking start doing
Stop Thinking, Start Doing!




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Tuesday 9 October 2018

Introvertedness vs shyness


Social interactions are powerful. They increase your capacity to love, overall life satisfaction and the sense of completeness in your life. They are the basis of forming relations with other people and are also the first yardstick for someone to judge whether to show interest in you. There is no limit to what you can achieve in your life with social interactions. You don't know who, when and where somebody might help you out with a situation. The more contacts you have the more jugaad you can do. Despite so many benefits, there are two types of people - introverts and shies who "shy" (pun intended) away from social interactions.


First of all, lets clear the definitions. Introvert is someone who naturally avoids social interactions in a sense that s/he does not like to stay with people (or many people) for a long time and avoids small talk in general. But shy people, on the other hand may want to interact with people but are unable to do so due to XYZ factors. Its this difference which most people are not able to separate and deal with a lot of unnecessary stress in life.

My idea when I say "social interaction" can be anything from small talks, light hearted talks, poking fun at each other, discussing about weather, stripping each other's clothes off for fun. Well, maybe you can skip the last one. But my point is social interactions are any conversation which are not much meaningful at first but can turn out to be, if given a direction. People tossing away small talks as completely "meaningless" doesn't seem to understand how it works. No random conversation at all can be instantly meaningful unless you have decided to initiate in such a way. It has to start with something petty. It is the stage you need to get across to get to the real fun but many people arguing against it often say that they choose only those who are already close to them since years or share large number of interests which is completely fine. Introverts generally find people sharing same interests and can live as fulfilled life compared to "extroverts" with far less number of people in their life. But shy people have a problem. They are unable to interact even if they want to. If you don't want, that's a different thing, If you are happy in your life alone, its fine but there are people who actually find themselves incapable to go and bloody talk with someone even when they are attracted to them or think they can have a meaningful relation with them. Now, this definitely is a problem.

My argument in the favor of actively participating in social interactions lays some fundamental foundations. First one is that it builds contacts. The more contacts you have, the more easily you get admission in a engineering college. Oops. Or may be not. But having multiple contacts in a country whose national slogan is "mere chacha vidhayak h" can quickly turn into a boon. You don't have any idea how quickly  you can have a network of well connected people if you are able to please people socially, and that's a very good thing.

Second thing is they are a very good way of emotional catharsis. Do one thing, make a friend or two of yours to whom you can share every small detail of your life. Be it, if your bike got punctured yesterday, or you almost were to meet an accident, or you had to stay in a long line at ATM today or any stuff like that. If your friend is close to you, he/she will listen patiently (atleast for some days) and you will notice your self as being literally more happy. It is the best way to release small frustrations of life which we consider as very petty and swallow which although might not be the best thing to do because they gradually build toxicity inside you.

Third thing is very obvious. It builds your communication skills. We all, at some point have to deal with clients/customers/partners in our jobs and businesses where very good communication skills can earn you a lot of respect. A technically strong person with good communication and inter personal skills is a killer combination. So just go for it!

The advantages of social interactions are an added bonus to life. They are not a neccessne thougt. You may go just fine without them but life is much better if you have it. We introverts are missing out on something really amazing probably by merely relying on our first instincts. Ofcourse I am not telling you to completely change your own nature, but given proper attention and good practice, we can train ourselves to enjoy conversations even with strangers (the worst nightmares for introverts and shy people). The arguments towards social interactions even those which does not include small talks are frowned upon in introvert communities. One more trend which is coming up these days is the glorification of introvert as someone being intellectually superior just because they like to tuck into a blanket reading a book instead of going out and meet with people. I would like to ask, how many of them are actually reading some really productive, mind expanding books?

Large number of memes which are mostly shared by teenagers on social media as being relatable to introverts are somewhat a sad phenomena. For example -

                                     Image result for introvert memes

Being anxious about hanging out with someone you want  to hang out with is NOT something to laugh at. Humor is repeatedly used to hide personal vulnerabilities to avoid directly dealing with it. Instead of actually trying to work on the problem, if you simply create a meme on it and laugh it off, you are merely delaying the problem. Well, atleast we are being honest with ourselves but lets take this a step forward, lets start working on it. Lets not be captived by the so called "introvert" image which we carry ourselves in our head and try to be as open as possible. Because, there is a wonderful world filled with wonderful people out there. Even if we literally don't like to deal with people (which is fine anyways) lets not be so hell bent on being so closed inside our selves that we forget what its like to connect with people. Afterall, having that warm feeling with someone with whom you can share anything or hang around is precious and probably worth the effort.
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Saturday 20 January 2018

Coming out of negativity

Life is not all happy. There comes a time when our soul cries and we see no hope. When it feels everything is hollow and there is no meaning left. It happens to everybody, just that some people unfortunately face it a lot of times in their life.

The very nature of depression is circular. You go in one line of thought, and that ultimately leads to a depressing notion. Everywhere you are reminded of it and the more you think, the more you get entangled. The biggest trap your mind plays during depression is to trick you to get you to believe you can sort it out by thinking. Lets get this straight first -

There is NO way AT ALL by which you can just think your way out of depression alone. There is a very strong tendency in majority of individuals struggling with depression that they deal with it alone. The depression itself is telling, in fact yelling at you that you can't and it is okay. It doesn't mean you are incapable of finding a solution, its just that right now your brain is not at its best. If somehow we shift your brain to its natural state you see how quickly you will come up with a solution or even better stop caring about the issue in the first place!

I know its tough. I know it may not feel like worth doing. But trust me on this, its worth it. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. And we together CAN reach there. Because you are awesome and you deserve to it. Lets go through what we can do when we feel low -

1) Exercise -

Very intuitive but utterly effective. Your body needs to redirect its energy in a proper way and whats a better way to do that than exercise? You don't need to hit gym, just take out just 30 mins of your day and do some jumping , pushups, stretch yourself or even climb stairs and you will see very good results. Its a fact that exercise improves your mood by releasing endorphins and dopamine. Plus it really feel accomplished after a work out.

2) Discover new things -

When you travel to a new place, you get excited. This happens simply because our brain is wired to feel good on discovering new stuff. Go to youtube, and just start watching videos on a completely random but new topic , or maybe something you always wanted to research about but couldn't do it due to various reasons. Your mind will really thank you. You can also listen to new music. Just go to any music apps and play currently popular songs. The thrill of finding a good song for the first time is unparalleled!

3) Get busy -

Be it any creative hobby, or watching a TV show or just about anything you really or once cared about, just do it because you like it. This will help improve your mood and also help your brain to regain its natural state.  Involve your brain in activities you are passionate about.


 4) Bring some order in your life -

Some people like their habitat to be casual and that's ok but being way too much careless about it is also harmful. Get up and arrange your clothes in your wardrobe or maybe clean your desk , segregate all the files on your pc in proper folders. By bringing in some order, you are trying to reduce chaos and that reflects in your emotions too. You feel more control over stuff. 

5)Shopping -

Yea you got it. This is the time to buy those shoes you were planning for since long time! Not only you are giving your brain small but most pleasures but also you are taking care of yourself and your needs. Your mind likes being cared. If you think something is necessary and you should have it, take it. But don't go overboard with it otherwise you'll have this guilt of spending way too much money lol! 

6) Try out yoga -

Proven scientifically, practiced by millions, yoga can do wonders. A simple breathing exercise brings your brain in present, away from all the racing thoughts which are disturbing you. Lot of information already available on internet. Pranayamas are the best exercise for beginners and it has been proven that it works :)

7) Take everything out -

Once Tanmay Bhatt (yes the comedian) was called by Mukesh Bhatt for playing a role in movie. Few people were sitting there and they were discussing about the role which was to be given to Tanmay. Tanmay said that he is nervous as he has never acted as a main character. To this, Mukesh Bhatt sat silently for few seconds and then barked. Tanmay got shocked, such a big director and literally shouting "Bhau bhau" infront of everyone. To this, Mukesh replied - "This is what you have to do Tanmay, just take out all your inhibitions."

Take out all your inhibitions. Just whatever you are feeling - anger, sadness, crying. Just take it out with full honesty. Depression itself means that there is a lot inside your head, more than what it can take. This is not the time to shy away from your own feelings. So what if they are unpleasant, you should still express it. Just like how we express our happiness by laughing, acting bright, in the same way express your sadness in terms of tears. It has no place inside you, let it be out by fully expressing it and accepting it.

8) Take help - 

Lastly if nothing helps out, go and talk your matter with somebody. Humans are social beings, sometimes you really understand the way out by talking it out with someone. No way it indicates you are weak, in fact you are strong, strong enough to discuss these matters with someone. Help wont come to you, you have to go to it. If talking to your friends doesn't work, take professional help. Meet up with a therapist(now you can do that online too) or call a helpline number. I think everybody should try this option, trust me its a HUGE help in life.


9) Be grateful -

 If you are living in a city under your parents with a stable income, you are already way better than lots of people in this world. If expectations are reasonable, you will see more than 70% of your life is acting the way you want it. You have food on the plate, clothes to wear, people to talk with and love with. That makes most of your life needs. Its only the 30% or even less which bugs you because you constantly obsess over it. Instead of looking at what you don't have right now, be grateful for what you already have. Close your eyes and remind yourself of good things in your life,good memories and stay with that feeling for a while. Do this simple exercise and you will notice big change!
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